and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Randomize
