Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Swine flu is the new snow day.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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