Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Randomize
