apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
