Her vagina should come with caution tape.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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