He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
