how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
