She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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