I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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