So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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