Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
