she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
