just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
jump out the window naked night went bad
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