I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
