I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
