Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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