normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
pop tarts are not kleenex
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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