I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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