Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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