I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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