A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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