i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
