I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
