I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
