the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
