So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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