bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
