Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
