this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
