That's when you crack a 10am beer
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
