he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I think a kid would responsible me up
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
