its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
