This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
