member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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