I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
