i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
