im having a threesome with these popsicles
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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