There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
