College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
