Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
