Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
