I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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