can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
