Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
