The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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