the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
