If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
