you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
