i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
