More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
