Duck Duck Cougar?
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Randomize
