a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
