Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I enjoy the company of your penis
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
