I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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