I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize