Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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