All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
