Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
