she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
