Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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