i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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