just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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