she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
