How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
