I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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