office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
