I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
How does one acquire holy water?
Randomize
