We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
