im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
