you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize