I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
