I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Randomize