i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
