ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
