There was a lot of him and a little penis
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
