Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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