im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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