I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
