um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
