that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
