I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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