dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
