Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
and she was petting her beer can
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize