I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
