he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
