I need help removing her.
I just found puke in my bra..
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize