we have pet lesbian snakes
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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