your thong is hanging out like whoa
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
