sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
